A Dish Best Served Cold
by Agent M
Summary: The much requested sequel to Memory Lapse. Tony attempts to get his revenge on Ziva.   Longer than expected but I think it satisfies the hunger! PLEASE READ MEMORY LAPSE first.  PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW.


Disclaimer:The usual...don't own the characters..just inspired by them.

Author's note:Thanks to all those who've given me positive feedback ...this is a result of requests for a sequel to Memory Lapse. It's longer than I was expecting it to be!

Thanks to:Michael Weatherly – always my inspiration!

PLEASE REVIEW AT THE END

**A Dish Best Served Cold**

It had been a week since Tony had woken up handcuffed to Ziva's bed. He was still trying to come up with some form of revenge, not only for her leading him into believing a number of wildly outrageous reasons as to how he had ended up in that position, but also for the fact that he had suffered endless jibes about it ever since. Every now and again, he would catch sight of her looking at him, shaking her head and laughing to herself. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had arrived at work the following day to find a small gift box, wrapped up with a bow, on his desk. It was from Abby. When he'd opened it, contained within were two small keys on a metal ring. The note attached had read: _I always keep a spare set...just in case. Keep them safe. Love Abs. X____X_. McGee had found that particularly amusing. Even Gibbs seemed to have a permanent amused look on his face, every time he looked at Tony.

Ducky had been the only sympathetic one; "Not to worry my dear boy..we've _all_ _been_ there...You know it _reminds_ me of the time when I found _myself _chained to my Anatomy professor's basement _radiator_..." Tony had shook his head in disbelief and interrupted him, making his excuses before the older man could get lost any further in his bizarre recollections.

Now back behind his desk, Tony tried to think of an appropriate way to get back at his Israeli colleague. A light bulb went on in his head, '_Ooh.. I could loosen the fixings on her chair...'_ he thought, but quickly dismissed it as too juvenile. He thought again, '_Maybe I could fill her backpack with rocks?_' Again, it wasn't good enough, he wanted her to suffer the humiliation she had laid on him. His brow was furrowed in concentration when Gibbs' phone rang.

"Okay, Abs," stated the boss. He looked up. "Tony...Ziva...get down to the evidence garage...Abby needs some assistance with the Petty Officer's SUV."

Both agents stood up and moved away from their desks. They reached the gap in between at the same time. Tony smiled a tight lipped grin and stood back to let her go first. "After you..._Zee_-vah." With his left hand he motioned for her to step into the lead. She eyed him suspiciously then quickly hopped ahead of him and out of his reach. She knew he'd be planning something to get back at her for humiliating him and she wanted to be ready.

"_Nervous_, Ziva?" Tony asked grinning. She shot him a look of disdain – '_As if..'_

Tony sensed her arrogance. "Well...you _should_ be. My father always use to say ' _No one messes with a DiNozzo and gets away with it_.'" He raised his eyebrows as a gesture of warning that she should take him seriously.

Ziva snorted derisively, "Oh _re-ally,_ Tony?"

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. He needed to come up with something...and fast, just to wipe that smile off her face. They got onto the car and the elevator doors closed.

NCISNCISNCIS

Abby greeted them with a spanner in her hand and a smear of oil across her cheek. "Hey guys!" She looked down at their wrists as they stood side by side in front of her. Gently she used the spanner to separate them. "Just checking, Tony..." She beamed mischievously.

Ziva grinned at the Goth's jibe. Tony shook his head around, "Oh ha ha...Did you _need_ us for some_thing_, Abs?" His eyes showed irritation and that he wanted to get on with whatever it was he was there to do.

"Yeah...actually." She took them over to a black vehicle that was parked in the centre of the garage. "I'm conducting several tests to see why the Petty Officer's vehicle didn't stop in time, but I need someone inside whilst I take readings on the computer." Tony was puzzled.

"Why do you need both of us?" he asked.

The mischief was back on her face. "Because I need someone to drive and _someone_ to do some _tinkering_," she said, handing Ziva the spanner. Ziva smiled, playfully pounding her other palm with the metal instrument. Tony's eyes narrowed again, suspiciously eyeing up the Mossad agent. He looked back at Abby.

"What do you want _me_ to do?" Childishly, he snatched the spanner from Ziva's hand, he didn't trust his sly colleague not to misuse it. Ziva gave him the evil eye, but said nothing.

"Okay...Ziva? I need you to get in the driver's seat...and Tony? I need you to lie under the car...right about...here." She stood in front of a mechanic's trolley which lay on the ground at her feet, in front of the SUV.

A brief look of panic and disbelief crossed his face. "You want me to get under a vehicle...with _Ziva_ in the driving seat?!" Abby sighed loudly as if it wasn't a big deal, her head on one side . She pouted like a child who wasn't getting their own way.

Ziva laughed from the inside of the car, "Are you _chicken_,.. _To-ny_?"

Tony answered indignantly, "No, _Zee-vah_...nor do I have a _death wish_!" Abby kicked the trolley by her feet and raised her eyebrows in Tony's direction – she was getting impatient.

Tony gave in, but looked warningly at the Forensic expert. "Al_right_...but if she _kills_ me...it'll be all _your_ fault!"

"Yeah...yeah...so you can come back to haunt me..." Abby stopped and looked as if she'd just had an idea, but seemed insecure about it. "...You _would..._ come back to haunt me, .._wouldn't you_?" It sounded like a plea. Tony shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah Abs...Now can.. we just.. _get on_ with this?" He took up his position, lying down on the trolley as Abby rolled him under the car to where she wanted him. It was a tighter squeeze than he'd thought it would be. His body was closer to the chassis than he liked. He'd caught sight of Ziva beaming down at him...Abby had removed a panel sized area in the flooring, right by the stick shift. It didn't reassure him any.

"Okay, Ziva...start her up!" shouted Abby, who was now back in front of her computer screen. Ziva complied with the instruction. "Okay put it in first but keep the emergency brake on!" The Goth tapped a few keys. "Now rev it up!" Ziva pushed down on the accelerator. Tony closed his eyes tightly. Being dragged to death under a speeding vehicle would _not_ be a painless way to die. He held his breath, not daring to move a muscle. He was brought back to his senses when he heard his name.

"Okay...Tony?...You see that bolt right in front of you?" Abby seemed to know every inch of the vehicle...without even looking.

"Yeah?" he shouted back.

"Turn it 45 degrees counter clockwise," came the instruction.

He did. "O.._kay?_" He sighed. Nothing seemed to have happened, and he wasn't dead yet, which was always a good sign.

"Ziva? Second gear!"

Ziva grabbed the stick and tried to pull it into second, only succeeding in pulling the whole stick off. The shock of it coming off in her hand made her drop it – right through the open panel and onto Tony.

"Hey!" He could feel the heavy piece of metal resting against the top of his thigh.

"Ooops! Sorry," shouted Ziva. She leaned over sideways and reached down with her right hand but she couldn't see what she was doing.

Tony cleared his throat loudly, "_**Ahem!**__**Zee**_**-vah**?.." he shouted as he felt her probing hand. "That is _not_ the gear stick!"

"Sorry...sorry!" The ordinarily staid Israeli sounded a little bit flustered. Tony enjoyed the moment, grinning widely beneath the car.

Abby, meanwhile, was oblivious to what had happened and was frustratedly shouting at Ziva to change gears again.

"I'm _trying_, Abby...but there is a _little_ problem."

Tony was listening. "Hey! Less of the '_little'_" he shouted audaciously. Ziva tutted and exhaled loudly. She had now located the actual stick shift and was holding it up for Abby to see. The Goth sighed with frustration and walked over to the car. She reached in and turned the ignition off. Tony emerged from beneath the vehicle, still grinning at Ziva. Was that the hint of a blush on the trained killer's face? He smiled smugly to himself as Ziva avoided looking him in the eye. '_Yep, she's embarrassed_,' he deduced but it did not satisfy his hunger for revenge.

Abby was irritated by the extra work created by the broken stick shift. She whined, "Now I have to fix this and start all over again." A sulky look was shot in the direction of Ziva, who gestured that she was sorry...again.

"I guess we'd better go back upstairs," said Ziva, "Gibbs' will be expecting us." She looked at Tony and nodded her head towards the elevator. Tony paused, allowing her to walk away first. He turned to Abby and handed her the spanner.

"Psst..hey? Abby?" he whispered secretively. "You wanna get back at Ziva for adding to your work load?" He raised his eyebrows in encouragement. He needed some help coming up with a plan for revenge and two heads were better than one, after all. Abby shot Ziva the evil eye.

"Oh _yeah_.." she said vindictively. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well that's just it, Abs..." He glanced over at the Israeli who was impatiently waiting for the doors to open. His mouth half-grimaced, "_Kinda_ out of ideas at the minute...I need to get back at her for the cuffs incident...and now you do too...Was _kinda_ hoping we could work on the problem _together_?" He looked hopefully at his friend.

Abby smiled evilly. "Count...me..._in_," was all she said.

"Great!.." Tony headed towards the elevator where Ziva was no longer holding the door. He turned back to Abby. "Have to get back to you on that Abs!" He shouted reaching the elevator just in time and squeezing between the closing doors.

"Get back to her about what?" asked Ziva suspiciously.

Tony's eyes slid sideways. Without missing a beat he answered, "About when we can go back down to help her again...said we needed to check with Gibbs."

"Oh," came the brief response.

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

Later that day Tony had come up with an idea – he just had to figure out how to implement it. Fortunately, luck was on his side. McGee had left his latest cell phone charging on his desk and was nowhere in sight. Gibbs was up with the Director. That just left him and Ziva. He stood up from behind his desk with a blank sheet of paper in his hand. He wandered over and pretended to put it on McGee's desk. He noticed the phone and picked it up.

"Ooh the McMuffin left his phone out...Let's see who his last caller was.." He was deliberately trying to get Ziva's attention. It worked.

"Put it down, Tony...That's his _private_ cell phone." She was irritated by DiNozzo's constant need to invade other people's privacy.

"Oh but wait...he's got new software on it..." He pressed the keys. "No way!.." Surreptitiously his eyes drifted sideways to see that Ziva's interest had been piqued.

"What?" she inquired, getting up from behind her own desk.

"Nah..I don't believe it...the software claims to be able to measure a person's exact height just by taking a full length picture of them...on the phone...it can't do that..right?"

Ziva walked over to him. "Here let me see..." She reached out her hand. But Tony wasn't having any of it, this was his plan and he was sticking to it. He held on to the phone.

"No way..." Gesturing with his head for her to take a few steps back, he said, "Go stand over there...let's see if it works..." His eyes encouraged her.

Ziva gave in – she took a step back. "Like this?" She stood straight, looking bored.

Tony shook his head. "Something's missing...Tell you what...just to make it authentic...why don't you point your gun at me?" Tony nodded his head enthusiastically. Ziva sighed heavily. She wasn't sure about this.

Tony persisted, "C'mon...there's no one around!" She gave in and pulled her weapon from her drawer, pointing it loosely at Tony.

"Oh _c'mon_ Zee-vah...you can do _better_ than that...and give me your best _seductive_ smile." He grinned playfully at her, his eyes glinting. Ziva laughed but aimed her weapon expertly and flashed her bedroom eyes at him. He hit the key to capture the moment. With speed, he then sent the photo to Abby's cell phone but continued to hit more buttons. Earnestly he asked, "How tall _are _you Ziva?"

"5' 6''" she replied.

Tony's eyes widened in disbelief. "No way!...that's what it says here..."

"Let me see..." She moved back towards him, just as McGee entered the squad room. Quickly, Tony cleared the screen and replaced the phone on the probie's desk, turning expertly to greet his colleague. McGee looked suspiciously at him.

"Tony?" He cast a glance at his desk – everything _seemed_ as he had left it, but you never could tell with DiNozzo. Before he could ask anything else, Gibbs arrived.

"You finished those background checks al_ready_, DiNozzo?"

"Er..." He shouldn't have hesitated. Gibbs glared at him. Tony retreated quickly to his own desk. "Working on it, Boss." He picked up the handset on his phone and dialled Abby's extension. He whispered down the receiver whilst Gibbs continued barking orders at the other two agents. "Did you get it?"

"Oh yeah..." came the reply.

"You think you can do it?" he asked.

"Is the Pope _Catholic_?" was the response. "_Easy_ peasy, Tony."

"Great!...Catch ya later, Abs." He hung up.

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

It was a few days later and Ziva didn't know what she had been so worried about. Tony seemed to have forgotten all about exacting his revenge. The atmosphere had been quite pleasant and they had made some headway with the case. As she headed from the parking garage towards the elevator, she got the sense that someone was following her. She turned to see DiNozzo jogging to join her.

"Morning, Ziva." He beamed a smile full of sunshine. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Morning, Tony." They got onto the elevator. Other agents joined and left them on their brief journey to the third floor. After the fourth male agent had grinned salaciously at her before stepping off the car, Ziva got the distinct feeling that there was something going on. As the doors opened on to the squad room and another male agent winked at her, she turned round to Tony who was just about to exit the elevator himself.

"Is it _my imagination_, Tony, or are all the men in this place _in heat_ this morning?" She was slightly suspicious.

He answered innocently, "What d'ya mean?"

"Well, _every_ man that has got into the elevator with us seems to have been giving me the come off."

Tony exhaled a brief laugh. "It's 'come _on_', Ziva...and I don't know...did _you_ do something different with your hair or something...? ...because you _do_ look particularly _hot_ this morning?" He raised his eyes suggestively and licked his lips at her. She slapped his chest with the back of her hand and gave him a disapproving look. As she reached her desk another male agent passed and raised his eyebrows at her.

"_There!_ He just did it!" She was getting a little exasperated by the attention.

"You're getting paranoid, _Zee_-vah." Tony sat down at his desk. Gibbs walked past with a paper cup of hot coffee in his hand.

"Paranoid about _what_, Officer Da-vid?" he asked.

"Men!" was her curt reply. Gibbs nodded his head to one side, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders. He began sifting through some of the papers on his desk.

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

A little later, Ziva had to go to the ladies room. As she made her way past the large window, and past the bottom of the stairs to MTAC she came upon two male agents. One had a piece of paper in his hand and was showing it to the other, they were exchanging chauvanistic comments. At her approach they immediately began to move away, the one with the paper screwed it up and tossed it into the nearest waste basket. Ziva waited for them to be out of sight before she bent down and retrieved the balled up sheet. As she unfurled it, an angry gasp escaped her lips. She began to storm back towards the bull pen.

"**WHERE IS **_**HE**_...I swear I _**am**_ going to _shoot_ him this time!"

At the sound of her angry approach, Tony quickly ducked down behind his desk, staying in a squatting position. Ziva arrived at the space between hers and Tony's desks...his chair was empty. She grabbed her weapon from her desk drawer.

She repeated her question. "Where is he?" There was venom in her tone.

Gibbs looked up, his eyes glanced around the room, before settling back on Ziva.

"There a _problem_...Ziva?" he asked calmly.

"_**Yes**_..there is a _problem_," she spat the words out. "Have you _seen_ _this_?" She held out the sheet she had retrieved from the basket.

Gibbs took it off her and looked at it. A brief look of appreciation for the female torso flickered across his face, but quickly dissipated and his eyes narrowed.

"**DiNozzo**!" he shouted, looking over at Tony's desk.

There was a small thud and squeak as Tony's head made contact with his desk in his rush to stand up – he knew he couldn't escape the boss. "Just tying my shoelaces, Boss..."

"Are _you _responsible for this?"

"Responsible for what, Boss?" He tried the innocence approach. Gibbs held up the A4 sized paper which depicted a colour image of Ziva in a red bikini flashing her bedroom eyes and pointing her weapon. Above the image read the words: _Agent of the Month -Officer Ziva David._

A brief look of appreciation for the female body flickered across Tony's face, followed by a look of pride, both quickly disappeared and, before he could deny it, Ziva leaned across his desk. There was rage in her eyes. His eyes wandered down to the weapon she was still holding – it was flat on the desk, her finger hovering near the trigger, and it was pointing at a rather sensitive part of his anatomy.

"You did it, _didn't you_?" The words hissed from her lips Tony was nervous.

"Errr...Boss? You want to...uhh..." His eyes directed Gibbs' attention towards Ziva's hand. Gibbs hesitated briefly – it was fun watching Tony squirm - before ordering Ziva to step back and holster her gun. Eventually she complied, still giving Tony the evil eye.

"_Didn't you_?" Her eyes dared him to deny it. Tony still thought he could get out of confessing.

"You think _I_ could do something like _that_?" He tried to appeal to her sense of better nature. Ziva switched her tactics.

Calmly, she said, "You know, Gibbs? I _ac_tually believe him."

Tony looked shocked, so did Gibbs. At the same time they both said, "You _do_?"

"Yes...I mean..look at it...it would have taken someone with great computer skills to create it..." Sniggering she added, "And you and I _both know_ that _Tony_ lacks those particular skills." She smiled, she knew exactly how to play this.

Tony was hurt. "_Hey?_ It wasn't _that_ difficult...a touch up here...and..." He stopped and berated himself silently. His wounded pride had allowed him to walk straight into her trap.

"Aha!...So it _was _you! I _knew_ it!" She grabbed the air triumphantly.

"Knew what, Ziva?" A curious Abby had just arrived, she was returning the piece of evidence Gibbs had requested.

Tony sensed his chance. Eyes wide, he pointed at the Goth, "**She **_**made**_** me do it**!" he shouted childishly, not wanting to accept all of the blame.

Abby's eyes widened at the betrayal. She inhaled loudly and shot an evil look at Tony.

"This true, Abs?" asked Gibbs, the ever diplomatic father.

"Well..._**she **_shouldn't have destroyed evidence on the Petty Officer's car, setting us back by many hours!" She pointed at Ziva. Abby wasn't going down for this alone, oh no, she would take them _all _with her.

Gibbs' disbelief was written all over his face. He turned to Ziva. "_You_ destroyed evidence?"

Ziva threw an irritated look at Abby. "It was an _accident_!" Gibbs looked at Abby. She raised her eyebrows, then narrowed her eyes and shook her head. Gibbs looked back at Ziva.

"Let me get this straight...you _destroyed _evidence?" Ziva huffed. She could see she wasn't going to win this one...Gibbs always took Abby's side.

Tony and Abby had sensed a slight shift in the tide. They tossed each other a glance – hopeful that maybe the Boss' attention would remain long enough on Ziva's felony crime, that he would forget about their little misdemeanor.

Gibbs was exasperated. He flung his hands in the air, "What the hell are we _doin'_ here?"

Tony pushed it. "Getting back to work, Boss?"

Gibbs turned and glared, his left hand raised slightly in preparation for launching a slap in DiNozzo's direction...but he was too far away.

"_Well?_...What are you _waiting_ for?" he snapped. Ziva returned to her desk, still huffing; Abby scurried off back to her lab after cautiously placing the returned evidence on Gibbs' desk, and Tony sat behind his desk, pretending to type something into his computer. Neither of the agents dared to look up.

Gibbs, meanwhile, was sitting watching them both. In his hand he still held Ziva's photo. He looked back down at it and small, wry grin formed on his mouth. He had to hand it to DiNozzo...it _was_ a _fine_ picture.

THE END

Hope it satisfies all those who wanted Tony to get his own back. PLEASE REVIEW.


End file.
